You Ever Feel like this?

I know when I begin to feel manic something is going awry.
I can feel it like an arthritic feels a coming storm. And because it has been proven right so many times, the more I feel it, the more anxiety it causes.

But often, I reason with myself and blame myself. I try to find a reason for my misguided feelings and attach it to the first thing I can put my finger on. this leads me to depression.

When I do that, I often, once again find myself revealing things, the deep hidden things in my life that need correcting and fixing.

I had time to think yesterday. I was fixated on my sorrow.

The more I fixated, the weaker I became; upset with things I cannot control and circumstances I cannot fix, problems that I only partially had a hand in creating.

My life feels out of control; I feel like I am in the passengers seat, at the mercy of someone else.

I feel like I am sacrificing my happiness and my desires while the other party runs around and does as it pleases. Not weighing the consequences or feelings.

This sounds like a huge "WOE is ME"; but it really isn’t. It's simply a chapter in my ever turning book of life.
these are the stories and circumstances that chip away at the root of a dull boring life. A life that would lie dormant and stagnant; a non influential life.

So here I stand in the center of my tale, waiting for the pages to turn.